You say you want success and all the good things in life. And you should have them. The real question is, what is keeping you from all those nice things? (Drum roll).
And the answer is: You.
It's not your crabby boss, the kids, the non-supportive spouse, the lack of a partner, or a bad break.
While all these things can set you back, they don't have the power to keep you there. Here's the secret to success and a great life. (Fan fare). Your willingness to accept only what you want and nothing less. No, that doesn't mean you can leave that mouthy teen on the side of the road. We have moral responsibility.
But how are you treating yourself? Do you let the surly teen talk back? Do you allow your crabby boss to yell at you? Do you spend time with people that belittle your dreams and make you feel like an idiot or fool?
Life is too short.
How can you have self confidence and the respect of others, if you don't require it? We train people how to treat us. If we settle for less, and most of us do, we will get less.
Time to ask, what do you want?
Not what will get you by, what is good enough, or what can you stand. Is that what you want on your tomb stone?
"She put-up with everything.
Never lived her life, only survived it."
That brings us to step one: Boundaries.
Calmly request that people stop hurting you. Most will be shocked to find they crossed your boundary, will apologize and do better.
Others require more. That's when you stand up for your self, and demand they stop yelling, lying, whatever the bad behavior is. Again, in a calm firm voice. No dramatics here.
If this does not get the desired result of respect that all humans deserve, then excuse yourself, and leave the room. No arguing. Say something like, I'm sorry, but I can't discuss this with you while you are teasing me, yelling, etc.
Those that really love you, will respect and honor your boundaries, those who refuse need to go, or at least need to have limited contact. When you accept only what you want in your life, what you want will show up.
This week make two lists. Ten behaviours you allow that hurt you. Ten behaviours you want instead.
Now tackle your relationships calmly and ask for what you want.
Don't attack, just state what you need. And inform them what you will no longer accept.
It will increase your confidence and improve every area of your life, but you have to mean it.
You will no longer continue a conversation or relationship with someone who refuses to treat you with respect.
You deserve it.
I love your comments on this. I tend to draw my emotions from my surroundings. If I allow a guilt driven sister to intrude on my time, I forget to stand firm and tell her to take a jump. I'm learning to ignore her until I feel like I'm strong enough to stand up to her.
ReplyDeleteAre there really moral obligations regarding teens? Glad I survived that stage of life. It's hard when you've spent a lifetime nurturing others, to suddenly stop and want to nurture yourself. I find myself slipping back, especially when the writing world becomes overwhelming. Or is overwhelming because I've slipped? Hmm. Thanks Sandy.
ReplyDeleteAmen.
ReplyDeleteLove the teen reference. I agree with Joelene, it's hard to take your turn when the kids are gone. But I'm learning finally, after nearly 5 years. My balance issues aren't all smooth yet, however. I forget that hubby is still at home. lol Can't leave him on the side of the road either, though I feel like it at times! ;)
I'm with you on that Calisa, including the hubby part! For me, it's only been 2 years. I think the problem is that I haven't yet accepted the fact that I really do have time for me. Somehow it seems so selfish--as I have to give permission to myself. I'm working on it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post, Sandy.
My biggest issue, typically at work, is that I am a people pleaser. I want to help as much as I can, make life easier for others, especially a boss. People eventually take advantage of that and I allowed it for a while, but not anymore. I still help when I can, but I've also learned to say no, especially to those who ask for help as if I've been waiting all day for something to do. Hehe. Obviously a sore spot for me.
ReplyDeleteMy mom always said that we make our own happiness. That goes hand-in-hand with how we let people treat us and how we treat ourselves.