Sunday, June 5, 2011

Trash Is As Trash Does.

We are all judged on how we look and act. I did an experiment at the shopping mall some years back, showing up in jeans, T-shirt and no make-up. I looked clean, but poor. I got zero attention from the store staff. No one would help me. I was invisible.  The next day, I went to the same stores dressed in my business clothes, and looking well turned out. When I walked in, I had more sales help than needed and they were incredibly accommodating. I'm not saying that I agree with the superficial nature of humanity, but it exists.
People look first and ask questions later. If you swear like a sailor, people will have an impression of you. If you borrow things and never return them, people will size you up on that. What you do determines how you will be seen and treated by others.
How do you wish to be percieved? Are you serious about your career? Then act like someone who is a success. If you say, "This is who I am and they can take it or leave it. I don't give a damn." That's not personal freedom, it's a self destructive lie.
We all care.
It's not enough to set boundaries for others, it's time to set standards for your self. This is not about all the shoulds. We're talking integrity. The higher the level you live at, the higher the level of your life. Some examples of integrity:
Tell the truth.
Be on time.
Admit your mistakes.
Honor your responsibilities by following through.
Take care of your body.
Give positive feedback.
Avoid offending.
Be grateful and stop complaining.
Stop talking and act.
Give to those in need.
Only spend time with those who treat you well.

Make your own list of five. What do you feel ready to implement? This will scare you a bit. If it feels comfortable, pick something else. I'll be working on being more honest with my self and speaking that truth. Easy to do with strangers, harder to do with those I love. If it feels like a risk, do it.

Make your journal your partner in this. Write down your list, your efforts, feelings and how things change.
Plan on implementing these changes for at least six weeks so they become good habits.
When one becomes second nature, move on to a new one.

Let me know how you do.
You deserve to be the person that is trustworthy, dependable, and loved.


  1. So VERY true. Perceptions are unique to the individual but we can go a long way to "mold" how others perceive us. Great post!


  2. Lovely post, Sandy. I quite agree with you. Despite what we may think, we are not islands unto ourselves and we owe it to ourselves to mold ourselves into the person we see as ourselves and the one we'd like others to see.

  3. Thanks for sharing this. Food for thought, even in the realm of fiction writing.

  4. Nice. There's always room to improve yourself. I'm working on fighting my demons of self-doubt and negative self-talk. Big ones for me. But you are right. We have to become aware of things we want to change in order to make them happen. Thanks! BTW-I love your haircut! :)

  5. Thank you for this refreshing post. The example you provided at the beginning reminds me of the film Beautiful Woman.

    My list should be sth like this:
    1. Speak the truth.
    2. Don't just promote, relate.
    3. Push beyond the comfort zone.
    4. Think positive and adopt a can-do attitude.
    5. Be yourself, stay true to your style, and whatever happens, don't imitate others.

    That's it. And some other oints from your list. Thanks again and I'll be keeping an eye on this blog. ;)

  6. Love the blog, Sandy. It really got me thinking. I'm going to have to work on my list.

  7. Great, I can't swear like a sailor? But you know me! Noticed the same thing when I go to a store without being decked out. It's the "Pretty Woman" scene. Same thing in restaurants. If you're dressed up, you'll get a better table. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Thanks friend!

  8. We were just talking about perceptions at a Bridal Shower today. The comment was made about needing to dress up just to go to the store if you want any help from a sales person.

    Perceptions are important, making it that much more vital that we take responsibility for how we are perceived.

  9. Sandy,
    Great blog. One bit of improvement I try to make myself enact is occasionally doing something that makes me a bit nervous because I never did it before. Regardless of how old we are, we can always grow.

  10. I agree, Sandy. I tend to be shy, especially in larger groups and then my ideas are overlooked. I will work on promoting myself as a writer, while promoting others three times as much. I think this last idea, from Kristin Lamb, is a good rule in any aspect of life.

    Great post!

  11. Thanks for all the comments.
    What a hard working and insightful group. I applaud your efforts toward a better life.

    Next lesson on Monday.

  12. I know when you began this series of blogs you didn't know if it would travel well, so to speak. It does. I enjoy these blogs immensely!

    The one on your list that struck a chord for me is the 'Be grateful and stop complaining'. As my girls were growing into the wonderful women they are today we didn't have a lot of money for frivolities. Still don't. But they had what they needed. I know they tired of hearing mom telling them "Be thankful for what you have instead of asking for something else/more".

    Today this is how I keep myself going. As hubby and I pack our belongings to move in with his father to care for him indefinitely, I am not a happy camper. I'm ashamed to admit that what I'll miss most in leaving my own home is the solitude of my office. My space. My 'room' to be me. But then I think...I have a home. I have food, clothing and family who loves me and whom I love dearly. What more do I need? I have a laptop and it goes anywhere I want to go. It's my portable office. And I don't work outside the home, so I can write whenever I choose to, wherever I choose.

    But I will miss walking out the back door and being greeted with a soft whicker from my dear old horse. That I can't take with me. I will miss the coyotes baying at night in the quiet country air. But I'll survive. I'm doing this for my loving husband, and I know he's doing his best to make this move as painless and
    accommodating for me as he can.

    So it's time I heed my own words and pick another item from the list to focus on.

  13. People do judge you on how you present yourself. I work with a group of people trying to move up from poverty and the hardest thing for them to learn is to dress up and get a haicut before going to a job interview.

  14. You gave me a lot to think about. Thanks girl!