Dump Your Goals. Say what?

No! I can't live without that list staring back at me keeping me motivated.
That's what I said, until asked this question:
What's your passion?

Quick, don't think. First thing in your head will do. I need an answer.
What's your passion?

Have it?
Are you surprised?

When this question was put to a group of friends recently,
one man said history, a woman shared her love of sewing,
and another lived to learn.
They all had one thing in common.
None worked in their passion.
Nope. Not even close.

A few accepted this as an unfortunate fact of grown up life.
Others, shocked by their answers, gained insight.
Slaving for years and unhappy in their profession,
the reason for their lack of fulfillment hit them between the eyes
like a two by four.

Truth delivered with blinding force hurts.

Work without passion is just a job.
And a life without passion isn't living.

I know, bummer.

There's nothing wrong with a job.
It's what pays the mortgage and feeds the kids,
but our souls require nourishment as well.
How did these talented people land in this predicament?

Goals.

Not true goals.
Theirs were lists handed to them full of should and must be.
What does the world know about your desires and dreams?

Nothing.

Only you own that knowledge.

To reconnect with your authentic self,
toss your old goals and let honest dreams form.
Nature fills a void.

For the next two weeks,
allow your life to take it's course naturally.
You are not allowed to work on your old goals.
Think of it as a vacation or fact finding mission.

If you're a control freak like me,
it's scary to eschew the list and fly free.

Before you shake your head and say I've lost my mind, let me explain.
We are not dumping the idea of running a marathon
or passing the bar exam,
we're only giving ourselves time to reevaluate.
Opening up possibilities.

If the goal is part of you, nothing will pry it from your heart.

Trust the universe to speak and bring your true nature to light.
There's a catch to all of this soul searching.
Once you find your passion, live it.

Record your findings in your journal,
and please share your comments with the rest of us.

Thank you for taking the leap.

Life Sucks And Then You Die. Really?

How many times a have you heard that? But is it true?

Take a piece of paper or your journal, and write down at least five things you do in a typical week, ten is even better. Don't edit! The first things that pop into your head.
Have them?

Look the list over and be honest as you cross off everything that were musts, going to work, feeding the kids, taking your medication.

What's left?

Is there anything? 
Did it dwindle down to one?

What remained are your real choices, things you did because you wanted to, with no gun to your head or boss standing over you. If you made a list of ten, then three of those needed to be activities you enjoy. They feed your soul or move you closer to your dream.

If you knew you had five years left to live, would you spend your time doing the same things?
I'll bet the answer is no.
We all have tasks we must accomplish. But have you also made time for the things that matter to you personally, things you love?

On the same paper, jot another list, at least five items.
What do you want to do before you die? Your bucket list.
Who wants to think about death?
That's not what this is about.
You're focusing on living--really living your life.
Doing that demands time and planning. You deserve a plan that moves you toward your dreams.

Make your list, and again, don't edit.
If you want to do it, put it on the page.
Do you have your five or ten? I'll wait.
Smile.

What would be the easiest to accomplish?
I'm not saying it's easy, just that it carries less hurdles. Got it?
Put that at the top of your what I do list.
Writing it down as a priority is the first step in making it reality.
It now has power.

On another page,  jot at least one thing you will do this week to make that happen.
You are making a commitment to your life. It's serious, take it that way.
Say no to stuff that stands in your way. You likely aren't the only one who can load the dishwasher.

If you want to run a marathon, then buy a good pair of running shoes.
If your dream is to tour Italy, open a saving account dedicated to the trip, and set up an automatic transfer to build it.
If you have a burning desire to write that novel? Join a writing group.

Add another action each week that moves you toward that goal.
As you accomplish these small tasks, you'll feel energized, more creative, happier.
You'll feel alive!

Little steps matter. Once you've climbed your mountain or done the Iron Man Competition, move to another item on your list.
Nothing changes in life if you continue to do the same things.

Commit now to your life. Do it!

But I'm a nice person!

I  adored my grandmother. She was sweet, patient, and suffered in silence as she tended her mother through cancer, put up with a physically abusive husband, and cared for a mentally disabled son. That would seem to be enough on any persons plate, but no. Grandma drove the elderly to the store and doctor appointments. She cheerfully babysat for single mothers. If someone was in need, she served, and somehow found time to sew quilts for charity.

You might think this woman was a miracle. I know, I thought she was. She had many friends and everyone loved her. But when she lay dying in the hospital well past age 80, with tears in her soft blue eyes, she whispered, "I've wasted it. I've wasted my life."

How can that be? Grandma made a difference. And she did! I don't know what would have become of me and my siblings if not for her love and stable influence. Where had she failed?

She'd given her life away to others and never lived one moment for herself.
Not one dream.
How had the years slipped by without creating something for herself?

Grandma had the habit of saying yes when asked.

The woman had regrets.
 Not for what she'd done, but for what she'd left undone.
She'd said yes to everyone, but herself.

This week, we stop the habit of saying yes.
People will still like you. And if they don't, you don't need them in your life.

For one week, when possible, say no to requests.
Sorry, but you still need to feed the two year old when he asks.
For the rest, the answer is no.
Without explanation, excuse or justification.

Service is good, but loosing yourself and being used is not.
Poor planning on some one's part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
Let others take care of their responsibilities or get another yes addict.
You're in recovery.

Just say NO!
 "No, thank you." Also good.
Repeat if needed and don't justify.

If you can't make yourself do that, then answer them with,  "I'll have to think about it."
Giving yourself time, breaks the habit and gives them the chance of finding another sucker.
I have been such a sucker and I'm over it.
Life is better.

This week, stand up for your dreams and your life.
No one else will.
Don't end up at age 80 feeling you've wasted the gift of living YOUR life.

Write down your progress and feelings in your journal.
Who is pushy?
Who makes you angry?
Who is difficult to deny?
Why?

"Life is a banquet, and most poor fools are starving to death."
                                                                              Mame

I Gave Up My Dream For That?

Early in our coaching series, we dumped some of our junk and ended energy sucks, but now it's time to take a closer look. Have you made space for what you want or are you still hanging on to things you think you need?

If you crave a new relationship, you may have to let go of an old one first. New clothes, clean out the closet, a new story, put that unworkable old manuscript away. Stop putting energy into what doesn't serve you. Evict the worn from your life and stand ready to accept the new.

This is not new age mumbo jumbo. It's a law of physics. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you create a vacuum in an area of your life, including your writing, the universe will absolutely fill it with something. Be choosy about what you allow to fill that space.

When you feel bogged down or stuck, chances are you're hording something you need to release. If you haven't used it in the past year, get rid of it. Start by tossing all those useless papers cluttering your desk and your ancient computer files. Getting rid of what you don't need or use will make that space you want for better things. Sometimes it's a manuscript we need to shelve in order to write a new one. If you're holding on to what doesn't work, you can not move on to what does. This is true in every aspect of life, not just writing.

Years ago, when I was taking a psychology class, we learned of a group of scientists doing a study with monkeys. Every day they filled immobile plastic jugs with small treats, and each day the monkeys opened the lids and enjoyed the goodies. One day, the scientists placed an orange in each container just small enough to slip through the hole, but too large for the monkeys to pull out with their hand grasping the fruit. What would the monkeys do?

The monkeys reached into the jugs and clutched the oranges, but couldn't extract them through the small hole. When the scientist moved closer, the monkeys screached, pulled at the orange with all their might, but refused to let go of their prize and thus couldn't escape. They were captured, sacrificing much desired freedom for fruit they thought they needed.

What are you clutching that stands in the way of your dreams?

"To pretend to satisfy one's desires by possession is like using straw to put out a fire."
                                                                                                        Chinese Proverb
Do you really need that orange?
What price are you paying to hang on to it?

Spend 15 minutes each day letting go of something you don't need and prepare to embrace something better. Write about it in your journal.