And You Call That A Friend?

You're sitting at lunch with a friend you've known for years. She's complaining about her family, her husband, her job or lack of one. This friend rattles on and on through lunch giving you time to grunt when she pauses to take a breath. When the bill comes, she throws a few dollars on the table and says she's got to run. You leave feeling used and drained.

Guess what--you're right.
You were used and drained of energy.

As you can see, this week we're covering relationships. How often do we waist time with people that suck the life out of us, because we feel it's our duty, or out of habit or proximity without getting much in return? I've done my share of suffering through such friendships.  Ugh! I'm over it.

Life is too short to spend it with people who don't value you, are self involved or wear you out. Do any names or faces come to mind? We all have friends or belong to groups that, either no longer serve us because we've grown, or they treat us with disregard and indifference. Who needs it? Not you!

People change. Chances are, if the relationship isn't serving you, it isn't doing much for your friend either. Let it go. There's no need to make a big deal about it, just spend less time with them and allow the connection to fade naturally.  You don't have to have a big talk. This is not high school. No drama needed. You're an adult, and people come and go in our lives.

It's okay.

There are relationships that need some honest conversation to mend. If this feels like the case, and you want to invest further, by all means, go for it. State what bothers you calmly without blame. If the friendship is strong, you may come to an understanding. If it doesn't work out, let it go and know you tried. No hard feelings.

If you've been diligently working  on the coaching lessons, it's likely you'll be letting go of some old friends, a critique group or partner. Make room for relationships that inspire you and aid you in the creation of your dreams. Remember, the universe abhors a vacuum. Make room, and watch for the good that will fill it.

This week, make a list in your journal of people and groups that suck you dry. Decide how to handle each case. Let them slowly fade or talk it out. Notice how you feel about ending these connections and why. Write about it and then act. Even a bad relationship ending brings a feeling of loss. Let your self feel it. Write what you'll miss or what you wished for that didn't exist. Be real and honest in your journal.

You have to be your own best friend first.

I Gave Up My Dream For That?

Early in our coaching series, we dumped some of our junk and ended energy sucks, but now it's time to take a closer look. Have you made space for what you want or are you still hanging on to things you think you need?

If you crave a new relationship, you may have to let go of an old one first. New clothes, clean out the closet, a new story, put that unworkable old manuscript away. Stop putting energy into what doesn't serve you. Evict the worn from your life and stand ready to accept the new.

This is not new age mumbo jumbo. It's a law of physics. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you create a vacuum in an area of your life, including your writing, the universe will absolutely fill it with something. Be choosy about what you allow to fill that space.

When you feel bogged down or stuck, chances are you're hording something you need to release. If you haven't used it in the past year, get rid of it. Start by tossing all those useless papers cluttering your desk and your ancient computer files. Getting rid of what you don't need or use will make that space you want for better things. Sometimes it's a manuscript we need to shelve in order to write a new one. If you're holding on to what doesn't work, you can not move on to what does. This is true in every aspect of life, not just writing.

Years ago, when I was taking a psychology class, we learned of a group of scientists doing a study with monkeys. Every day they filled immobile plastic jugs with small treats, and each day the monkeys opened the lids and enjoyed the goodies. One day, the scientists placed an orange in each container just small enough to slip through the hole, but too large for the monkeys to pull out with their hand grasping the fruit. What would the monkeys do?

The monkeys reached into the jugs and clutched the oranges, but couldn't extract them through the small hole. When the scientist moved closer, the monkeys screached, pulled at the orange with all their might, but refused to let go of their prize and thus couldn't escape. They were captured, sacrificing much desired freedom for fruit they thought they needed.

What are you clutching that stands in the way of your dreams?

"To pretend to satisfy one's desires by possession is like using straw to put out a fire."
                                                                                                        Chinese Proverb
Do you really need that orange?
What price are you paying to hang on to it?

Spend 15 minutes each day letting go of something you don't need and prepare to embrace something better. Write about it in your journal.