Sunday, October 30, 2011

I Can't Ask For That!

As children, we dressed up for Halloween.
Fevered with anticipation,
we stood at a door waiting to receive.
Because we knocked.
On Halloween the asking took the form of Trick Or Treat.
And it worked.

We arrived home burdened with candy,
and all because we bravely knocked,
and said the words ensuring our need for sweetness be met.

What happened to us between then and now?
How many of us are carrying an empty sack, longing to fill it,
but too embarrassed or afraid to knock?

The door today is anyone who potentially might fill our need,
a lover, parent, friend, co-worker or boss.
We don't say Trick Or Treat, and perhaps that's part of the problem.
Asking specific desires be met is scary.

The first time you went to a door as a child,
dressed in your costume, and you had to knock,
say the words that would bring sugared bliss, it took courage.
It still does.
You found that well of fearlessness and you can still draw from it.

As adults, weve forgotten the lessons learned at Halloween.
We don't knock.
When we do knock,
are we the little fiend who grasps with both hands taking all?
Are we greedy expecting every need be met by one person?
One need to a customer, just one candy bar.
Don't dump the contents of their bowl into your pillow case.
The person will run out of goodies for themselves and all the other children.

No wonder they stop answering the door when they see us coming.

We do that, expect our lover, family and friends to fill our bag.
One stop shopping does not apply.

 They are not Walmart.

Do we say thank you when someone drops a chocolate bar into our sack?
Remember the lessons of Halloween.
Personally, I give extra to the kid who says thank you,
and the sticky fingered vulture trying to score too much gets a reprimand.
One to a customer ensures enough for all.

Once you know your specific needs, be respectful in how you fill them.
Ask politely. You can't force them to give.
 People that love you will be happy to drop a Snickers bar into your sack,
if you only ask for one.

Spread your needs around. Visit more than one house.
Knock on many doors.
A hug here, a phone call there, a foot massage, or dinner out.
What ever the need, knock on the door and courageiously open your bag.
Take your goody, express thanks and move on.
Reciprocate when they knock on your door.
In four to six weeks you'll be overflowing.

And like a gleeful urchin, your sack dragging with abundance,
you enjoyed the experience and so did the giver.
I love seeing the bright eyes and smiles,
as I drop goodies into their plastic pumpkins.
My husband gets a similar grin when I greet him with a passionate kiss.
And we both are filled.

This week, choose five needs and find five different people to fill each.
No doubling up.
One only.
If you need more hugs, knock on more doors.

Let me know how it goes.
I'm not great at asking for my needs.
I've gotten better, but it's a process.
When asking for a need terrifies you, it's because it's real.
You may be on the verge of scraping used gum off pavement to get your sugar fix.
It's desperation looming.
Feed it in a healthy way.
Ask those who care about you.

Please comment.
See, I'm asking.

Smile, and Happy Halloween!



  1. Very nice Sunday post. We need to spread our love around as well. We all have needs and wants, and we have to remember to give and receive in a gracious way. Trying to do something for someone, if only one someone, every day could change our lives as well as theirs. One never knows what anyone is going through and our act of kindness could save someone's life or make their day,

  2. Sandy, I always love your life lessons! Today's is a timely, good reminder that in serving others, we often get our own needs met - and then some!

  3. Like always, you hit so close to home I feel the punch.

    Thanks for this.

  4. Wonderful words. My grandson (4 yrs old last yr) told every one, not thank you, but to have a nice night. He received many a strange grin, but a grin none the less. He's a gentle soul who gives and I find myself receiving a lesson well learned. I see your words and realize that's the outcome. Thank you.

  5. What wonderful advice. A simple "thank you" goes a long way to getting a favor granted later. Thanks Sandy.

  6. Hi Sandy! Your posts always inspire me and I pass the link along to those I think could use that particular lesson. I know a few who can use this one including myself. Thanks!

  7. You're right, asking is tough especially when you don't even have 5 people to ask. But we can't ignore ourselves either.
    I always felt Thank yous go along way. :)

  8. It's amazing how easily happiness can become ours once we take that leap from our comfort zones. I fear women are usually told to provide for the needs of others rather than ask for their own needs to be fulfilled. But without our needs filled, how can we hope to provide for others? Hmm. Very insightful post as always. Thanks, Sandy. We need our wells filled so we have enough to share with those we love... which in turn, helps fill our wells again. Loved this post. Inspiring.

  9. A good friend once told me that by receiving we give joy to the person we are receiving from because most people like to give, but are embarrassed to take.
    A very timely lesson, Sandy. Thanks.

  10. Very good advice, Sandy. A lesson we all need to remember.

  11. What a wonderful post, Sandy. Though I read this "after" Halloween, I found its meaning is just as clear and it's something we should practice on a regular basis.