Sunday, October 23, 2011

But I'm Starving!

Have you ever felt irritable, ignored, unloved, deprived or resentful?
How about Angry?

Of course you have.

We all experience uncomfortable feelings,
when our emotional needs aren't met.
Who is responsible  for seeing these needs get filled?
We are.
Big shock, I know.

Most of us hold our emotional needs deep inside,
where we're unaware of their hunger.
At some point they reach out in desperation
and we do something outrageous or destructive to stave off starvation.

That's right, starvation.

Our emotional needs are real.
A part of us that lives, breathes and struggles to survive.
When they aren't fed, they act.

If you were starving, skin and bone, and sure to die without  nourishment,
you might be willing to dine from a garbage can.
It would be understandable.
Self preservation is strong.

Emotional needs are just as powerful and demanding.

They can drive us to act in bizarre ways when unmet.
And it can be down right ugly when they do.

This is why it's wise to acknowledge that niggling voice,
that emotional discomfort that has you irritated and crabby.
Those are the rumblings of hunger.
And hunger will not be denied.

Oh, you can try to ignore it.
But you won't win against survival instincts.
They cause a lonely person to sleep with the wrong partner.
The controller to lose a job because of an argument with their boss.
The pleaser to say yes to everything, overload themselves,
fail and please no one.

If we desire successful lives,
we need to fill those emotional needs,
before they fill themselves any way possible.

A starving man will eat about anything.
A starving need will do the same.
Stop feeling guilty for trying to survive.
Get over it.
Feed the need and head off behaviour that elicits destruction and guilt.

A short list of common needs:

To be loved:
Adored, valued, cherished, prized, honored respected,
cared for, saved, approved, listened to, included, treasured.

When one of these needs resonates with you, write it in your journal.
It's hungry. Pay attention.

More needs:

To be right, control, dominate, to feel important,
to serve, to be served, to be noticed, independent, to follow,
comfort, to grow, safety, peace, play, touch, to succeed, loyalty,
power, abundance, work, order, perfection.

The list could go on.
If something pops into your head, add that to your list.

Acknowledge your rumbling needs,
before they go dumpster diving.
Stop consuming rotten sustenance to survive. 
Ignoring needs doesn't solve anything.
It isn't a sign of self control or strength,
it's weakness that denies the truth.
You are strong.

Pick your top three needs.
Now that you have them,
choose to feed them in healthy, productive ways.
No need to exist on garbage,
when the worlds abundance is before your eyes.
Choose the best and fill your plate.
Don't wait until your desperate.

This week, work to fill your needs in healthy ways.
Please comment on your results.

Needs are part of being human.
It's a good thing.


  1. That really resonates. I think the overeating goes hand in hand with emotional hunger. Great post!

  2. As Angelyn said, this resonates. I wonder if women starve more than men or if it's equal.

    You're so right about filling our needs properly and with only small effort, I see we can do that. I guess it's just so much easier - though not healthier - to wallow. Great post. You've got me looking at my own moods in a different way. A way that feels empowering. No dumpster diving for me!

  3. Women are taught to subjugate their needs in order to fulfill the needs of others. That's why we need to support each other. I think men are allowed to ask for some needs to be met, but to stifle those that seem "unmanly," so I think it is probably equal but different.

  4. It's the filling those needs without the guilt that makes it hard sometimes. When you're in need at different times to others and you feel like you're taking from them, when in reality it's equal give and take. You just don't see it when you're the one doing the feeding. Thanks for the thought, Sandy!

  5. Sometimes, you have to ask for your plate to be filled. When I decided to make writing a career I had to spell out my needs to my family when they kept treating it like a "hobby." Once they knew what I needed from them, they were able to give it. Did I mention they are all men? Thanks Sandy.

  6. I love you, girls!
    Excellent comments.
    Men and women suffer lack differently, but equal.
    They can't be vulnerable and get crabby, we hesitate to ask for our needs, feel guilty and have a hot fudge Sunday.
    They end up with high blood pressure and so do we.
    Best to feed needs in a healthy way.

    Thanks for the comments!

  7. I spend most of my life feeling other peoples needs with nothing left in the end for me. Then I feel guilty for not taking care of me. thanks for the insight Sandy. Something to think about and ponder and right at the moment I needed to hear it. Funny how life gives you exactly what you need when you need it if only we will listen. So much love to you my old friend.

  8. OMGosh, I am the pleaser, and as a result, get NO writing done!!!
    Which only feeds my sense of worth about allowing myself to write.
    Hmm, food for thought.

  9. It's hard to start nurturing yourself when you've neglected yourself most of the time. But it's never too late.
    Thanks for the revealing post!