Batten Down The Hatches!

One down and New Years to go.
The holidays are a gift.
That's what I tell my self as my husband is at work this Christmas morning,
and my daughter has been up with food poisoning since three a.m.
Not my doing, we'd gone out.
A mother's sigh of relief.

On the brighter side, my husband will be home tonight, my son will arrive,
and I have plenty of clear liquids to pour into our youngest child. (Age 25)
It brings me to this point:
What matters?

Emotions run high, endless demands on time, money,
and family strains leave us frazzled.
Now that the gifts have been opened
and the New Year dawns, reflect on what brought joy?

Holidays bring us closer to family, friends, and ourselves.
We are forced to look at what works in our lives, what doesn't,
and what we've avoided and swear we'll never do again.

It's the pressure.

Relationships come to the fore, we become aware of who we love,
where we're done, and what we want.
Take advantage of the awareness.
Write it all down in your journal.

But this time, instead of stuffing the truth,
behind aunt Sara's fruit cake in your memories, do something.

Do more in your life of what you enjoyed this season,
and less of what you endured.

Re-evaluate your career, relationships,
your personal growth and joy.
Be honest.

Can you improve on them?
Are you willing to do the work?
Or like the gift wrap strewn on the floor after presents are opened,
is it time to clean up the mess and take out the trash?
Only you can decide.

Be active.
Choose a course, captain you ship of life, and cast off for open seas.
It's tough to set sail with your hull leaking and a broken a mast.
Take inventory, load supplies, and get on with the the voyage of living.

Don't fix what's not broken.
Repair what needs it, and what can't be fixed, toss and replace.
It takes time, but give yourself a deadline.

Your ship can't conquer new worlds sitting in dry dock.
Get your life back in the water,
catch the wind and put out to sea.
Write your dates for accomplishment.
You can always adjust them.

Act.

When we do nothing, nothing happens.

Take this opportunity to patch those holes in your sails,
and replace your rutter ready to embark on the greatest adventure--living.

It's Just A Job.

If you've followed this blog,
you're armed with a list of your values.
This week we're going to find what work allows you to live them.

Many of us are writers.
I applaud you for owning your passion.
But what about the rest of the values on your list?
Does writing or your current occupation implement
all that sends your spirit soaring?
Not likely.

Life is multifaceted.
So are we.

Life is best when we fully express who we are.

Imagine your current employment has disappeared
requiring you do something totally different.

Do I hear grumbling?
Loosen up and enjoy the process.
This is an opportunity to learn about your nature and desires.

Take your journal and jot five alternate careers inspired from last weeks list of values.
What? You didn't do last weeks lesson.

No problem.

If you don't have your list,
I'll stand by while you read the previous post,
do the assignment and return ready for action.

Ready with your values?
Excellent!

Based on your values write five career choices in your journal.
They can be anything that fills you.
Don't edit.
No dis-qualifiers based on your current job, your age, lack of experience or funds.
Are you excited to let your imagination run free?

Let her loose!

Once you have your list of five, do you see any similarities in your choices?

True Example:

A scientist. He's good at his job, but unsatisfied.

He makes a list based on what he values:

Painter
Interior designer
photography
graphic artist
floral designer

When this gentleman viewed his choices, it surprised him.
No wonder he felt stuck in a life alien to him.
His creativity was unexplored.
It didn't feed his soul.

He made a change.
We all can.

Start small taking baby steps.
First, he bought art supplies.
He didn't paint, just had supplies.
Next week he signed up for a class.
Then, he began to dabble.

A year later he sold his first painting.
He kept his day job, but his life had changed, and become fulfilling.
All because he included value in his life.

When he retires in a few years,
he plans a trip to Paris and make painting his career.

He's happier having embraced his value of creating beauty.

With the New Year upon us,
this is an excellent time to make a resolution. 
What action will you take to instill value in your work
or move to a new career?

Make a note of at least one action.
Place it where you'll see it for motivation.

No guilt.
You're busy, these actions should bring you joy.
If they feel burdensome,
you don't have a value, you have a should.

Each week, add a new action that brings you closer to your authentic self.
What ever you choose--Do It.

Feel the energy flow into you, the joy, and love for life.
As you fill yourself, you fill others.
You're a gift and your talents bless the world.

Express them.

I applaud your courage and efforts to stand firm in your values.
I am blessed by your example.

Are You Empty Or full?

I'm not referring to your stomach stuffed with the splendor of holiday fare.
This is deeper.
What is the condition of your life?

We're talking full-fill-ment.

How full are you in your career?
Does it chip away at your spirit day by day
or rush over you in joyful torrents of worth?

Few of us experience the latter.
Why?

It could be we haven't recognized what we value and love doing.

We go about life doing what we should,
must, what others tell us matters,
and in the process neglect to live.

Living is beyond mundane existence.

Time to ask your self a few questions:

When do you feel alive?
When energy and excitement thrum through your veins, what are you doing?
When a spark of light ignites your mind, what are you up to?
Reflect on this for a moment.

Get your journal, and write the circumstances,
and experiences where you felt fulfilled and alive.
What pivotal moments and highlights rocked you?
Write them down.
Own them.
Go for ten, but at least five.

Do you have them?
Good!
Congratulations on courageously knowing another part of you.

Beside each, jot why it was important to you.
I'll wait.

Next, pen the value it expresses.
By value, I refer to what fills you.
Knowing what lifts and feeds you,
is the first step in creating work and a life you love.

Write your top five values.

It might look something like this:

Being in nature
Connecting with friends
Learning
Travel
Peace

There is no should or wrong way to do this.
It's your list.

This week, look for ways to incorporate what you value into your life.
 For me, this is time in meditation, reading, writing this blog, among other joys.
Doing what you value is a sign of self worth.
Sadly, not taking part in these activities is a sign of self lack.

You are valuable!

Small actions bring big results.
You are a gift.
Life is the means of expressing that gift in the world.

Live.

Keep this list,
because we're going to build on it next week.

Thank you for taking part in your life,
your future, and making the world whole through your wholeness.

Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?

My mom would follow that up with, the queen of Sheba.

Most of us aren't what we seem.
We're liars, fakers, con artists and impostors.
Not because we pretend to be the queen of Sheba
or some other high-toned, fancy pants.

No. We're liars of the worst sort.
We stubbornly believe that we're less.
 If someone gives a compliment, we discount it.
We feel undeserving of the good that comes our way.

How do you know if you take part in self loathing?
Take a look at your life.
Get your journal out and prepare to write.
Answer these questions--honestly.

What are your dreams?
 Relationship, career, family, whatever it is jot it on the page.
Don't edit.
Dreams are supposed to be big. Allow.

Have you reached them?
Answer for each desire you wrote down.

This is either a yes or no.
Actively moving toward a dream counts as a yes.
Thinking about it for three years is a no.
Sorry. Only Action counts.

There's one reason for falling short of those desires.

Drum roll.

You.

Damn. Don't you hate that?
It's not how your family treated you as a kid.
It's not the loser boyfriend or the petulant boss,
or that you have health issues that make you gain weight.
These may be obstacles,
but they rarely keep you from achieving your dreams.

Only you have that power.

And you do have power.
What you are willing to accept comes from a deep place
where you decide what you deserve.

What are you worth?

Answer that question in your journal,
but as you pen the words also say them out loud.
Is it difficult?
Can you say:

I'm lovable.
I am beautiful.
I am a New York Times best selling novelist.

The more resistance you feel,
the more you don't believe you deserve these things.
If you don't believe you deserve them,
you will sabotage your efforts.

I was visiting with two women recently.
They both want to be married and have a family.
It hasn't happened.
I told them they will accept the degree of love,
success, and supportive relationships
as they are willing to give themselves.

What was their response?

"I'm screwed."

I wish I were making this up.
At that moment they acknowledged a profound lack of self love.
Their homework was to treat themselves as if.


As if they were lovable.
As if they were (insert your dream).
We can all benefit from this.

If I loved my self I would....

Write the answers in your journal.
Take as long as you like.

Here's the fun part.
Live that way.
Do those things.
It will change you.
Action transforms.
Thought alone won't do it.

Why bother?

Because you are a gift to the world.
You are worth it.
You are lovable.
And you can't give what you don't possess--even to yourself. 


I want you to receive all your dreams.
You wouldn't have them if they weren't possible.
Your subconscious envisions the truth.
It's possible, if you decide that you deserve it.

Let me know how this goes.
How does it make you feel?
I support you in your best self.
The one inside that you deny.
You are amazing!

Was Thanks Plucked With The Turkey?

It's the weekend after Thanksgiving and most of us are frazzled,
shopping for the big dinner, cooking,
followed by midnight Black Friday deals.

Where is the thanks in Thanksgiving?

I'm not just talking about the traditional form of the holiday,
but the everyday courtesy of a kind note of gratitude.
I hear you grumbling.
Who has the time?

We do.

 Sending a thank you saves time and effort.
How do you feel when someone goes out of their way to send a gift,
a card or make eye contact expressing gratitude for a small favor?
I want to do more for that person.
Guess what--most people react positively to kindness.

Thanks is the first rule of abundance and returns to you ten fold.

Make friends with those merchants you frequent.
Say thank you and mean it.
I've been informed early when things will go on sale.
The clerk gives me the coupon price even though I don't have the coupon.
People are thrilled to give when they're valued for their efforts.

What about friends, co-workers and family?
It only takes a minute to jot a note and mail it.
Hand written means more today because few people do it.

Be that person.

Neighbor kids have baked me cookies,
others have helped me rake leaves.
I've been surprised with theater tickets,
free pizza,  and dinners have come my way,
because I took a moment to appreciate people.

We all need to be valued.

There's too little kindness and respect in the world.
News of altercations on Black Friday is proof,
fights, pepper spray, and tears,
as people lost their humanity in selfish battles for stuff.

Value people and they will value you.
Those that don't aren't worth worrying about.
As grandma used to say,
what goes around comes around.

Giving thanks opens the floodgates to receiving.
It begins with the warm feeling in your heart
when you share your gratitude and love with others.

This week send three thank you notes everyday.
Just a few words is perfect.
It can change your attitude and lift someone who felt invisible.

Write your experience in your journal.
I challenge you to make it a habit and pen a thank you daily.

I thank you for supporting me and my blog.
You make me feel valued with your comments.
I appreciate your wisdom.
Thank you for being friends and examples of love.

Bless you.

Tis The Season For Giving--What Again?

Some dread the lines at the store,
the lists of gifts to purchase, and expense.
Is that what we focus on?
Giving is an opportunity to show others what they mean to us.
It's the thrill of watching eyes light up or glisten with emotion.

Why do we give?

Is it because we owe a present?
Is it expected and an obligation?
That's not a gift.
Gifts have no strings.
They come from the heart. They don't expect anything in return.
They are tokens of gratitude for sharing a life and connection.

Gifts are free to the receiver and expand the giver.
It all rests on our attitude.
They don't have to be purchased, but can be.
They come on the form of hugs, encouragement,
cards, e-mails, phone calls, and carefully wrapped packages.
Gifts can be given anytime.
For no particular reason.
No holiday or birthday required to spread a little love.

Does it put a silly grin on your face when your honey brings you flowers just because?
Of course!
Does my hubby get extra loving for the effort?
Yes, and he then has an equally silly grin.
Give what you can from your heart.

I knew an older woman who gave what she liked.
Often ornately, hand decorated, huge Christmas ornaments.
She enjoyed making them.
Unfortunately, many didn't appreciate the thought.
One receiver had a closet where she tossed such creative efforts.
Another woman told me she hid the ornaments in the back of her tree,
where they wouldn't be seen and mar her decorating.

Really?

I'm not kidding. 
They missed the point.

Perhaps the bobbles were overpowering,
but the giver cared enough to spend hours adding each bead and pearl.
Her back ached as she struggled to glue another ribbon in place,
until she felt it worthy of those she loved.
I received a number of these over the years,
and gave them a place of honor among my decorations.
When she came to visit, she smiled,
tears fell from her blue eyes and down her wrinkled cheeks.
Because I valued her gift she felt valued.

She's gone now, but I'll still hang her ornaments with love.

Giving goes both ways.

Do we receive the gifts given?
Those who stashed the ornaments didn't receive.
All lost out.

Look beyond to the meaning.

To be loved is everything.
When someone gives believe they care.
Let it touch your heart.

Receive.

Make the effort to give meaningful gifts.
A writer who uses a particular pen and can always use another.
A child would love to help bake cookies.
Giving is a present to all.

Does this sound like work?
It doesn't have to be.
A letter of gratitude and love is a meaningful gift.
Lunch, grabbing a drink, or going to the dollar movie.

This week jot down three people you want to really give to.

Make it real.
Make it matter to both of you.
Give it thought.
It's worth it.

Once you give the gift.
Write how the process felt, how it was received,
and how it affected you.

You are gifts I cherish.
Your comments let me know my small efforts lift a heart, encourage, and clarify.
Thank you for that gift.
I receive it with joy.
Bless you!

Dating Is Not Dead

Who do you count on when things get tough?
Who binds your wounds, holds you, listens to your hopes,
your fears, and loves you when your sick and irritable?
If you're lucky, you have a critique partner that will do that,
but most of us rely on a spouse at two in the morning.

That's a ton to expect from the most important person in our life.
How much time do we put into that relationship?

The national average is twenty-seven minutes of one-on-one conversation per week.

Gasp and groan all you like, but that didn't count:
Complaining
Problems
Schedules
Chores (who is picking up dinner)
Watching TV in the same room
You writing as your spouse does something else in the same room
Both being home, but not talking.
Time spent with kids or others.

I'll give you a moment. I know you want to make your own tally.
Not so good is it?
What ever the number is for the week, does it feel like enough?

It might be a great time for you to jot down that number in your journal,
and how you currently feel about your mate,
and your marriage or relationship.

How can you tell if you're putting in enough face time?
Do you feel close to your spouse,
or do you share more with your writing group?
It should be your mate.
If not, there's work to do.

You need more bonding time.
Having fun, talking about your hopes, dreams, your plans for the future.
Remember when you did that on dates?
Time to revisit that experience.
First Rule:
No complaining allowed.

I know that for some couples given that stipulation,
they'd be reduce to slack-jawed stares over the kitchen table,
as they each tried to find something to say.
But not you. You write!
Never at a loss for words,
you engage in witty repartee at all hours.


For some reason, when face to face with the one person,
who has the power to devastate us,we become buffoons,
unable to string a coherent phrase together filled with honest emotion.

But if you want a loving, supportive relationship,
you must feed it with emotion and time.
We feed our plants, our pets, and the parking meter.
Put your relationship at the top of that list.

If you've been together for a very long time,
(Thirty-four years this month for me)
You may need a nudge to recall just what you did back when you dated.

Dress up.
Date each other
Make it special. (A walk can be special holding hands)
Get a haircut
Put on perfume or cologne
Do your nails
Give honest compliments
Hug
Kiss
Hold hands
Listen
Look at each other

Do it all with anticipation for being together.
Those embers aren't dead,
just in need of some fanning to reignite.

Go out once a week and hold that date as sacred.

This is the most important relationship in your life.
Treat it that way.
Your relationship will only be,
as loving and supportive as the nurturing you give it.

No feeding = Starvation.

And we all know what happens when we're starving emotionally.
That ugly dumpster diver shows up resulting in destructive behavior, arguments, affairs, divorce.
Not pretty.

Feed your marriage and you nurture your self.
Smiles all around.
Jot down fun date ideas in your journal and schedule them.
Schedule making love if you need to.

After a few weeks, journal how this has changed your relationship and your feelings.

Please comment with your fun date ideas.
We can all use them.