Sunday, December 4, 2011

Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?

My mom would follow that up with, the queen of Sheba.

Most of us aren't what we seem.
We're liars, fakers, con artists and impostors.
Not because we pretend to be the queen of Sheba
or some other high-toned, fancy pants.

No. We're liars of the worst sort.
We stubbornly believe that we're less.
 If someone gives a compliment, we discount it.
We feel undeserving of the good that comes our way.

How do you know if you take part in self loathing?
Take a look at your life.
Get your journal out and prepare to write.
Answer these questions--honestly.

What are your dreams?
 Relationship, career, family, whatever it is jot it on the page.
Don't edit.
Dreams are supposed to be big. Allow.

Have you reached them?
Answer for each desire you wrote down.

This is either a yes or no.
Actively moving toward a dream counts as a yes.
Thinking about it for three years is a no.
Sorry. Only Action counts.

There's one reason for falling short of those desires.

Drum roll.


Damn. Don't you hate that?
It's not how your family treated you as a kid.
It's not the loser boyfriend or the petulant boss,
or that you have health issues that make you gain weight.
These may be obstacles,
but they rarely keep you from achieving your dreams.

Only you have that power.

And you do have power.
What you are willing to accept comes from a deep place
where you decide what you deserve.

What are you worth?

Answer that question in your journal,
but as you pen the words also say them out loud.
Is it difficult?
Can you say:

I'm lovable.
I am beautiful.
I am a New York Times best selling novelist.

The more resistance you feel,
the more you don't believe you deserve these things.
If you don't believe you deserve them,
you will sabotage your efforts.

I was visiting with two women recently.
They both want to be married and have a family.
It hasn't happened.
I told them they will accept the degree of love,
success, and supportive relationships
as they are willing to give themselves.

What was their response?

"I'm screwed."

I wish I were making this up.
At that moment they acknowledged a profound lack of self love.
Their homework was to treat themselves as if.

As if they were lovable.
As if they were (insert your dream).
We can all benefit from this.

If I loved my self I would....

Write the answers in your journal.
Take as long as you like.

Here's the fun part.
Live that way.
Do those things.
It will change you.
Action transforms.
Thought alone won't do it.

Why bother?

Because you are a gift to the world.
You are worth it.
You are lovable.
And you can't give what you don't possess--even to yourself. 

I want you to receive all your dreams.
You wouldn't have them if they weren't possible.
Your subconscious envisions the truth.
It's possible, if you decide that you deserve it.

Let me know how this goes.
How does it make you feel?
I support you in your best self.
The one inside that you deny.
You are amazing!


  1. It's possible if we decide we deserve it - I love that line. I have to continue to tell myself that all the time.

  2. In line with the comments regarding the two friends of yours - someone once told me that you attract what you think you are worthy of. When you look at it that way, its kind of an eye opener when you take look at the people around you.

  3. Action transforms, thoughts alone won't do it! You hit the nail on the head. We think about what we want but until we apply ourselves...well, hello, nothing happens. Great Post. Thanks Sandy

  4. I love your blog! My mom used to say the same thing when I was a kid and I always wondered who the Queen of Sheba was:-)
    We women really don't get how important we are, and we don't know how to take compliments or praise. And we definitely don't believe in ourselves as much as we should.
    One day my husband printed a small picture of me and beneath it he wrote, "You are So, so, soooo beautiful! He taped it to my side of the bathroom mirror, and every morning it's the first thing I see when I'm standing at the sink. Now, I immediately take in my bed-head, then I smile and say, "You are one gorgeous woman! If you are this hot now, just wait until your hair is done and makeup is on. Girl, you will be dazzling then!" I will never take that picture down because not only is it a testament of my husband's unconditional love, it is a testament of my worth:-)

  5. So true!. And just as good thoughts do not pave the way to heaven, good thoughts do not write a book and get it published.
    Thanks for the kick in the rear!

  6. Why, oh why, do we think we are not deserving of success? Thanks for the reminder that we need to get over that mindset and imagine ourselves -- yes! on the NY Times bestseller list!

  7. It is hard to love ourselves sometimes. As I pondered this post something my mom always said came back to me: Remember who you are.
    Knowing who I am, not just as myself, but my heritage, helps me see my potential and embrace myself. It also helps me be able to break away from all that negative self talk and envision that truth you spoke about.

    Great post! I'm going to be the best me I can be today. :)

  8. I understand the good intentions of this post, but I have to say something about the "loser boyfriend" line. I really feel that you can't tag someone else with a zero-worth label and still have a healthy worldview. It's like calling someone a "fat pig" if they're overweight. Looking at the world with those eyes makes you more harsh and condemning; it doesn't boost your self-esteem.

  9. Those that comment here regularly know I respond to each in private, but this comment deserves a public answer.
    It is never my intention to belittle another human being. We all know people who harm us for their own enjoyment.
    Those who attack us, snipe, or treat us as worthless lose out.
    They lose out on relationships, love and success. I am sorry if I offended in striving for brevity.

    Love to you.

  10. Great blog, Sandy. I think women in general need to be told they are worth more than they think they are on a daily basis. Dreams can come true.

  11. Thanks for your words of wisdom...women especially seem to fall prey to self doubt. If we can't be everything to everyone at every minute, we think we've failed. So not true. And we have a right to dream big. Why settle for less?

  12. Only action counts!!! I need to post that on my office wall. I love your post. I have some Brian Tracy tapes I like to listen to and I love this quote by him. "Self-esteem and self-love are the opposites of fear; the more you like yourself, the less you fear anything."