I Can't Ask For That!

As children, we dressed up for Halloween.
Fevered with anticipation,
we stood at a door waiting to receive.
Why?
Because we knocked.
On Halloween the asking took the form of Trick Or Treat.
And it worked.

We arrived home burdened with candy,
and all because we bravely knocked,
and said the words ensuring our need for sweetness be met.

What happened to us between then and now?
How many of us are carrying an empty sack, longing to fill it,
but too embarrassed or afraid to knock?

The door today is anyone who potentially might fill our need,
a lover, parent, friend, co-worker or boss.
We don't say Trick Or Treat, and perhaps that's part of the problem.
Asking specific desires be met is scary.

The first time you went to a door as a child,
dressed in your costume, and you had to knock,
say the words that would bring sugared bliss, it took courage.
It still does.
You found that well of fearlessness and you can still draw from it.

As adults, weve forgotten the lessons learned at Halloween.
We don't knock.
When we do knock,
are we the little fiend who grasps with both hands taking all?
Are we greedy expecting every need be met by one person?
One need to a customer, just one candy bar.
Don't dump the contents of their bowl into your pillow case.
The person will run out of goodies for themselves and all the other children.

No wonder they stop answering the door when they see us coming.

We do that, expect our lover, family and friends to fill our bag.
One stop shopping does not apply.

 They are not Walmart.

Do we say thank you when someone drops a chocolate bar into our sack?
Remember the lessons of Halloween.
Personally, I give extra to the kid who says thank you,
and the sticky fingered vulture trying to score too much gets a reprimand.
One to a customer ensures enough for all.

Once you know your specific needs, be respectful in how you fill them.
Ask politely. You can't force them to give.
 People that love you will be happy to drop a Snickers bar into your sack,
if you only ask for one.


Spread your needs around. Visit more than one house.
Knock on many doors.
A hug here, a phone call there, a foot massage, or dinner out.
What ever the need, knock on the door and courageiously open your bag.
Take your goody, express thanks and move on.
Reciprocate when they knock on your door.
In four to six weeks you'll be overflowing.

And like a gleeful urchin, your sack dragging with abundance,
you enjoyed the experience and so did the giver.
I love seeing the bright eyes and smiles,
as I drop goodies into their plastic pumpkins.
My husband gets a similar grin when I greet him with a passionate kiss.
And we both are filled.

This week, choose five needs and find five different people to fill each.
No doubling up.
One only.
If you need more hugs, knock on more doors.

Let me know how it goes.
I'm not great at asking for my needs.
I've gotten better, but it's a process.
When asking for a need terrifies you, it's because it's real.
You may be on the verge of scraping used gum off pavement to get your sugar fix.
Don't
It's desperation looming.
Feed it in a healthy way.
Ask those who care about you.

Please comment.
See, I'm asking.

Smile, and Happy Halloween!
















       

But I'm Starving!

Have you ever felt irritable, ignored, unloved, deprived or resentful?
How about Angry?

Of course you have.

We all experience uncomfortable feelings,
when our emotional needs aren't met.
Who is responsible  for seeing these needs get filled?
We are.
Big shock, I know.

Most of us hold our emotional needs deep inside,
where we're unaware of their hunger.
At some point they reach out in desperation
and we do something outrageous or destructive to stave off starvation.

That's right, starvation.

Our emotional needs are real.
A part of us that lives, breathes and struggles to survive.
When they aren't fed, they act.

If you were starving, skin and bone, and sure to die without  nourishment,
you might be willing to dine from a garbage can.
It would be understandable.
Self preservation is strong.

Emotional needs are just as powerful and demanding.

They can drive us to act in bizarre ways when unmet.
And it can be down right ugly when they do.

This is why it's wise to acknowledge that niggling voice,
that emotional discomfort that has you irritated and crabby.
Those are the rumblings of hunger.
And hunger will not be denied.

Oh, you can try to ignore it.
But you won't win against survival instincts.
They cause a lonely person to sleep with the wrong partner.
The controller to lose a job because of an argument with their boss.
The pleaser to say yes to everything, overload themselves,
fail and please no one.

If we desire successful lives,
we need to fill those emotional needs,
before they fill themselves any way possible.

A starving man will eat about anything.
A starving need will do the same.
Stop feeling guilty for trying to survive.
Get over it.
Feed the need and head off behaviour that elicits destruction and guilt.

A short list of common needs:

To be loved:
Adored, valued, cherished, prized, honored respected,
cared for, saved, approved, listened to, included, treasured.

When one of these needs resonates with you, write it in your journal.
It's hungry. Pay attention.

More needs:

To be right, control, dominate, to feel important,
to serve, to be served, to be noticed, independent, to follow,
comfort, to grow, safety, peace, play, touch, to succeed, loyalty,
power, abundance, work, order, perfection.

The list could go on.
If something pops into your head, add that to your list.

Acknowledge your rumbling needs,
before they go dumpster diving.
Stop consuming rotten sustenance to survive. 
Ignoring needs doesn't solve anything.
It isn't a sign of self control or strength,
it's weakness that denies the truth.
You are strong.

Pick your top three needs.
Now that you have them,
choose to feed them in healthy, productive ways.
No need to exist on garbage,
when the worlds abundance is before your eyes.
Choose the best and fill your plate.
Don't wait until your desperate.

This week, work to fill your needs in healthy ways.
Please comment on your results.

Needs are part of being human.
It's a good thing.